I LOVE the song The Weight by Thrice..it's where the name of my blog comes from..this song really means so much to me. Check it out! (I feel like I could have written it..)
Lately my husband has been telling his friends "Uh oh, my wife has the babyitis" (which makes no sense..-itis means inflammation, as I recall from my medical terminology class..and there's no such thing as inflammation of babies..?) Anywho, I guess he's right..maybe it's because I have A LOT of friends with babies right now, or ones that are pregnant..like 20 of my facebook friends have babies right now and it's driving me crazy..My husband thinks that we "aren't ready", which I say to him what you are supposed to say, "no one is ever really ready!" Of course, he's thinking logically..things like, we don't have a room to put a baby in, we have only been married for a year and a few months..well he goes on and on but the only legitimate reason I see is that we don't have a room right now! But we will in August..and that's less than 9 months away..
I actually can't believe that I'm even thinking about having a baby..of course I always wanted one..I don't know many females who don't..but I never allowed myself to think much about it. It wasn't until I looked deeper that I understood my fear..I have really great parents. They would do any and everything for me. I had a good childhood. My father is a farmer, so he worked allll day and most of the time wouldn't come in til dark..so, my mom pretty much raised us. We spent 90% of our time with my mom (maybe it was just me..my brothers, most definitely my younger brother spent a lot more time with my dad learning how to do boy things). Fast forward to my life today..well my husband works 80+ hours per week..some nights not getting home until well after 9:00. One of my biggest fears was that I would have to be like my mom..to raise children by myself..to not have the support of a husband, to not have him there to discipline, love..anything. Annnd now that's me. I'm gonna have to do what I feared the most. And the only thing I can do is pray and believe that he will have a different job one day. A job where he won't work 80 hours a week, and a job that he won't come home completely exhausted from at the end of the day! There are a lot of other concerns that go in with this whole baby situation..but I don't have time or enough space to even start!
Babies!
And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind, Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side, I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight.
ReplyDeletethat's a really beautiful song, risa! i know why you love it so much!
Yay! It's my fave! Especially since the singer for Thrice is married (and a christian..)
ReplyDeleteI have gone through points in my life when I had to read this/remind myself of this daily, momentarily, and I still do:
ReplyDelete"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:1-4)
I am making an assumption that you and I feel quite similarly about some things, particularly the baby thing. :/ If I am correct in that assumption then be encouraged that you are not alone! More importantly, be encouraged that God
knows those desires that we have (who knows, he may have placed them in us, Himself), and He does not forget His children! It's so comforting to know that even when we feel like our deepest desires are being ignored, swept aside, or even destroyed; our Heavenly Father knows us so intimately and loves us infinitely, even more so than a nursing mother (that is a wild concept):
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. " (Isaiah 49:15-16)
Your life (and, I mean YOURS, specifically) is and will always be a testimony to the grace, goodness, and FAITHFULNESS of the Lord. I can't wait to see His plans unfold! Shoot, they already are! :D
awww shoot. thanks sisty! It's extremely hard to stay faithful to the promises, or vows, specifically that I've made..but I know it's for a reason! I'm so happy and incredibly blessed to have family that can back me 100% and agree with me on the things I know will happen..because not many people understand my whole situation..the thing I hate the most is when people question me, or think that I'm just settling for what I have. I most certainly am not, and all I care about is what God wants me to do! Thanks for all of your love and support..I really do need it and appreciate it so much.
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