We were meant to live for so much more..

I have been stuck on this scripture from James for awhile..How many times do we cry and moan and groan and pout and complain when we face trials in our lives? It says here that we should consider it pure joy..Looks like it's time for an attitude adjustment..

Trials and Temptations

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

In the end we tend to think of how it began..

Warning: Personal and completely honest post ahead. I'm not typing this so anyone can feel sorry for me or pity me..or even try to give me advice. I'm simply just going to type very honest feelings. Too many times people (mostly Christians?) just pretend that everything is fine and great and they don't want to be honest with other people..like people will judge them for being weak or something. I am here to say, yes, I wouldn't have made it without Jesus Christ. I wouldn't have made it without worship music, or prayer, or reading my bible and repeating scriptures when I needed to. However, I suffered through the same feelings and emotions that non christians go through in a similar situation, and I'm not going to sugar coat it and sweep those things under the rug. If you know me, you know that I am an honest (brutally, for the most part [at times..]) person and if anyone wants to talk about my situation, I rarely leave out negative (or positive!) emotions that I felt..I've been through a lot of emotional ups and downs..mostly just emotional nothings.. I don't know if that makes sense? Maybe just non-feelings. Having no feelings? Whatever, you get the point.
I am officially divorced. There are some days where I feel so angry and like a complete failure. One bad thing about living in a small town, is that everyone knows you..all of my patients know me and my family..most of them always immediately ask me if and when I'm going to have a baby and when I have to tell them that I am no longer married..it's like something is wrong with me. They automatically lump me in with the rest of my generation, who don't know how to fight for anything and give up too easily. They don't say it. But they don't have to. Half of them assume that now I am the most depressed and pitiful thing they've ever seen..They ask me in that condescending tone, "How was your weekend, bay? Did you get out and do anything?" as if I have no life now that I am no longer married. I think one of the worst things about it for me is that feeling. Of being a failure. I guess most of the older married generation just turned the other cheek when they would go through addictions, infidelities, anger issues..etc. I don't understand how they did it. Or maybe it wasn't as prevalent? I'm sure that's the case. For so many reasons. Anyway, that wasn't really a trail I was intending on taking..
My marriage lasted 3 years. Technically 4, but we were separated for the last year, and I don't really count that as being married because there weren't 2 active participants in the marriage. Throughout this time I think I felt every emotion there is. I was angry. hurt. jealous. felt forgotten. felt unworthy. pointless. depressed. almost suicidal at one point..I don't know that I've ever been open about that. But there was one really bad night. We had been fighting. screaming at each other on the phone. Making threats..After I hung up I rifled through my medicine cabinet..searching for those long forgotten pain pills that I had stowed away. It's only by the grace of God that they weren't there. They still haven't turned up. That was the worst night..I just can't ever explain the horrifying feeling..the feeling that being dead would feel better than having to live this life..The only thing I could do was put on one particular worship song on repeat on my phone, and put it under my pillow while I whispered Jesus' name over and over to just take me. That was a huge turning point for me..after that night I saw things differently. I had a dream that I was meeting Jesus..we were in a cane field (one of my favorite places..to look at! I would never want to be in one with all of the scary creatures, but they are so pretty to look at, and I love the smell when the fields are burning, too) and he was walking with me. I had such a peaceful feeling..it really changed me. There are many other things that happened that helped turn me around..but honestly I would be typing forever if I added all of those things.
It took losing the thing that I loved the most to change..I have always held marriage on a pedestal..I always assumed I would be complete and whole and happy 100% of the time when I was married. I knew that it would be tough..but I never liked being single. I wanted someone else to make decisions for me and take care of me. I asked God my entire teenage and adult life to please show me a visible sign that I would marry the person I was meant to be with. The rainbow in the sky on the day of my wedding proved that to me..there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but a rainbow was there. At the time, that was my sign..and even when we started to have major problems in our marriage..I still hung on to the rainbow..I just thought "Well, if God promised this to me, it has to be the right thing." But now, I see it so differently. He was just promising me that He would be there for me..that I deserve what He has promised me. I've been (pretty much) single for a year now. And it's been great! The only time I really hated it was during the holidays. But I've learned to do so many things on my own..things that I never would have learned had I stayed married. I learned about who I really was. I gained self confidence..I learned my true worth. I used to put too much stock in what I was worth to other people..but I have learned (and am still learning!) that it doesn't matter..that I am worth everything and more to God. He gave up his son because I am worth that much! Looking back, I can almost say that I am thankful for what happened. I don't believe that God wants to see his children hurting..but I think I needed to go through some of those things. I had to learn to let go of things that I held on pedestals. I held my husband on a pedestal. But he wasn't supposed to be there. So..that is part of my journey over the last year..It feels good to get it out. I am very much looking forward to next year. I really do love beginnings..also, I am sort of happy to be saying goodbye to my 20's. I feel like I learned so much about myself..but now I'm ready to see what 30 will bring!

I just need to let go..

Time for an update! I hate that I don't blog more regularly. I feel like we should all have another blogging challenge later in the year..especially with certain people moving far far away!
Speaking of people moving..my brother and sister in law will be here in less than a month! I am beyond excited about it. I miss them so much and can't wait til they're back in da bayou state. Also, I will be getting a room mate for the first time in about 4 years. So that should be interesting. I hope I'm not too set in my ways/OCD to be able to live with someone else. I always like to think that I'm pretty laid back..but actually I can be pretty uptight about a lot of things..surprise surprise!(;-) I can always tell when I'm being uptight or OCD or whatever ya wanna call it..but I am a creature of severe habits. When my (almost ex..) husband separated..almost a year ago, I was so scared to be by myself. I wasn't scared that someone would break in or anything like that..I just was scared that I would be lonely and forgotten. Which was pretty dumb..my parents and brother's family live only about 8-10 miles from here. But I think that that was the way that God wanted it to be for me..He needed to get me by myself so that I would have to go through everything without any of my crutches. I just had Him to lean on..I know that my family loves me more than anything and that they are always there for me to talk to, and I did a lot..but I kind of felt like it was this journey that I was meant to go on without relying too much on other people. Because that's what I've done my whole life. I have always relied on other men..I have always had a boyfriend ever since I can remember. They were like idols to me and I leaned on them instead of on Jesus for all of my emotional security..I found 3 of my old diaries this weekend that I had starting at 10 years old. And I had written every day religiously for 3 years..and every single day I wrote something about a boy. I mean, I know that's not uncommon but at 10 years old? Also, at 10 years old, I would write things like "I am going to go on a diet so I can lose weight and not be fat anymore"..I hope that if I have a daughter one day..that at 10 years old she will not think she's 'fat' (I wasn't) or even think about that. I know I'm starting to ramble. I didn't know what I wanted to blog about..just started typing.
Shark Week is on. I don't know why I watch it, because then when I go to Grand Isle and we go swimming on the beach, all I think about are those Great White sharks who jump in the air. I mean, when's the last time there was a shark attack on the beach there?? Speaking of the beach..another reason I can't wait for my brother to get home is that we are going to go to Grand Isle! and go crabbing! and fishing! and maybe swim with our dogs..I'm so sad about the bacteria in the water. I was really looking forward to letting Chai swim for the first time there. She is at the vet today, getting spayed. It's so weird not having a cute bunny hopping all over my house. It's a huge break for me, but I miss her.
I'm pretty sure that I told a lot of people about the POD show that Crystal and I went to last week..I know people think we are crazy because we have seen them 3 times in that past year..but I'm just making up for not ever seeing them my whole life! And if they come back anywhere near here again, you can guarantee that we will be on the front row, drinking Sonny's water, singing in the microphone, and dancing to/singing every word to every single song. It's hard no to love them when you meet them..this time Sonny came out and talked to us for a long time. He told us stories about people in other bands..he told us that the singer from Papa Roach just recently got saved and told us about a conversation they had not too long ago. He's just right in the middle of everything and he's so humble and just a real person. We watched him talk to a girl who was obviously crazy..or on something..or manic..I don't know, she was just pretty nuts. She had no shoes..she was talking to herself and in her own little world. While we were talking to Sonny, he noticed that she was still there, sitting on a curb in the parking lot. He told us that we needed to go talk to her and pray for her..so we went over and Crystal talked to her for a long time. I just love that about her. Her heart breaks for people that are different or unaccepted..I can promise you that I wouldn't have looked twice at this girl. She was saying so many crazy things..eventually, we prayed for her. Sonny didn't pray, he just stood behind us and agreed with what we were praying for. (After we prayed, the girl kept saying crazy things..but like Crystal told me..we just planted a seed. Maybe nothing will happen right away or anytime soon..but we planted a seed and sowed into her..) It was such a great night. You could tell that Sonny was so tired and probably just wanted to go to bed..but he knows that he needs to pour into this generation and spend time with young people. I'm so happy that we got to experience that..sometimes I just think about Heaven..and I just know that we are going to see each other there..and see him there too. We are all brothers and sisters and it's awesome to know that we will spend an eternity together. Well. Enough rambles. I'm gonna go enjoy Chai-free time.
PS-I'm caught up with Breaking Bad and omg. Cannot WAIT til Sunday night to start the next (and last :( ) season!!!!!!

All I am is Yours..

Let's see. Seems like awhile since I've blogged. I feel like a million things have happened since I last blogged. Well guess I'll have to start with my job situation..I am currently looking for a new job..after a looonnngg time of going back and forth, and fighting it, I finally realized that it's just time for me to move on. I have learned so many things and had the best times at my current job..however, the times, they are a changin, and it's time to move on. I'm pretty terrified about this..completely out of my comfort zone..so, if you are reading this, please pray for me that I can have the strength and courage to get out there and find something new!
Last week, I went to Disneyworld for the first time ever! I had the best time..it was everything and more than I wished it would be. I haven't been on a roller coaster ride, or any theme park for that matter for honestly probably 11-12 years..Needless to say, I was excited. We went non-stop from 8 in the morning til midnight or later on some nights. I was completely exhausted and so tired every day, but it was so worth it. It really is the happiest place on earth! I loved going to Epcot and Hollywood studios, but my favorite part was The Magic Kingdom. Nothing beats it! The fireworks and light show above (and on) the castle really does take your breath away (the first time you see it, at least). It's hard to believe that they spend that much $ on a daily basis on fireworks (for each park) and on the millions of employees that they have. We also went to Universal Studios for a day, and that was really great too. It's not Disney, but it is really fun. I finally got to try butterbeer at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter..it was so good..I want more I want more..that was our quote for the entire trip (besides "Life is Good") because you do need more. I think I left out that we went to Animal Kingdom for a day too..it rained most of that day, but it was fun too! We went on a safari there and saw some giraffes running and playing..I think that was the best part. I've never seen a giraffe run! They look like they're galloping clumsily in slow motion. One of the roller coasters in this park was probably one of my favorites..it's called Everest and it's so scary and fun and terrifying and I laughed the entire time because I just couldn't handle myself. heh. I came home very hoarse. I think I could write a book on this trip, so I'll just leave it at this: Funnest trip of my life.
Last night I stayed up very late, because today is Memorial Day and I don't have work! I was reading my bible..and ya know how sometimes you have read the same story so many times in your life, but one time you read it..and something sort of sticks out to you? Like it's just something small, but it's something you always have just read over and not thought too much about it. Well I was reading the story in Genesis about how God tested Abraham, and asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. He didn't even question God..he just did it. Isaac was his promise..the son that God had promised to him and Sarah. Well, after an angel came to Abraham and told him not to sacrifice his son..he looked up and there was a ram to sacrifice instead. Then Abraham called the place "The Lord Will Provide." It just made me stop and think a few minutes about how many people I know that have had to sacrifice their dreams..their promises. But guess what? When you do that, The Lord will provide. I know how very hard and scary it can be to sacrifice something or let go of something that God promised to you..and I can promise you that if you have the strength to let it go..to give that dream or that promise back to God..he WILL provide for you. It may not be the way that you wanted or thought he would provide for you..but he does. This probably sounds so elementary to most people..but until you actually have to go through this in your own life, it's not real to you. Maybe that's why this time it kind of stuck out to me. I don't know all of the ways that he will provide for me..but I have the hope and the faith that he will..how he wants to..in his timing. I know that there is a reason that I had to go through everything I did..it really totally changed me and who I am. But that needed to happen.
Enough of all of the deep stuff! I have so many shows to catch up on my DVR..and also the last season of Arrested Development to finish..and some more episodes of Mad Men to watch..and Eisley to listen to..just so many things. Hope you people are all having a fun Memorial Day with family and hopefully at a beach or next to a pool!

You ain't seen nothin yet..

Another year older. sigh. I think for the first time I actually FEEL older..I never have felt that way before. I guess it's been a heavy year for me. So many changes. As a result, I have changed. So much, in so many ways. I think if I knew a year ago where I am today, I would have probably had a panic attack! But. I'm here. I made it! One more year in my twenties..my brother told me tonight that I needed to live it up. Ha! I think I've done enough living in my twenties to kind of calm down a little bit. Or maybe not ;)
I guess my birthday was bittersweet this year. It's the first time in a LONG time that I have been single for my bday. It's just not the same..although my family and friends for sure made up for it! I had a great time spending time with so many different friends and family members over the past week. That's better than getting all the presents in the world. I swear, I think my love language is kind of changing..I don't know if that's possible? But..I really used to be so materialistic (I realize that this does change with age for most people-for the most part!)..but I really think that I value people and experiences more now that I have before. I really didn't care this year if I got one gift. Looking back at the past few years..the horrible situation I was in..I think maybe I turned into a shop-a-holic because it was like my addiction..everything in my life sucked, but I could go shopping and it would feel better. For a day or 2..then I needed to buy something again. I totally understand how some people have that problem! I didn't want to think about anything that was really going on in my life. Of course, going from 2 (very large) incomes to one has definitely made me hold the reigns on the spending. But ya know it was starting to get out of control.
I also just wanna say again Happy Mother's Day to my mom..she helped me plant some pretty flowers today AND she gave me my first sewing machine! I'm both excited and overwhelmed at the thought of learning how to sew. (I get overwhelmed really easy ha!) But yeah, she's a great mom..I know she had a tough time with me growing up..I wasn't perfect like my brothers ;P jk jk..but I was a handful and I know it. The wild child. We somehow made it through without killing each other. She's been a great listener/advice giver..very patient and kind and giving of her time. Couldn't ask for a better mom!

Rep the streets you ride on.

Wah after the Ides of March I kind of fell off of the blogging wagon. Well let me just fix that with a really long post!
This week just so happens to be my birthday week. My cousins/friends and I had a small but really fun early sort of party last Friday since they will all be busy/out of town for my actual birthday. It was fun and involved lots of guacamole and queso and tacos and daquiris. And a Justin Timbercake. You see, there is nothing in the world that can compare to a Justin Timbercake on one's birthday. It was the best I'm-not-30-yet birthday cake I've ever seen!
On Saturday my friend and I decided that we would go rock climbing at an indoor place in Lafayette. I have never done that before sooo..well I was scared. Because I'm a baby and scared of everything. (I read this thing one time that said that if you teach your kids that fear-like of heights or extreme things- is an exciting feeling instead of a scary feeling, then they may not be as scared to try new things like that in life..I might try this with my kids one day because I'm such a fraidy cat!) So yeah, the first time I climbed like 3 feet off the floor and looked down and immediately freaked out and told Ethan to "LET ME DOWN LET ME DOWN NOW." Of course, he climbed to the top because he likes to do scary things and isn't a wus like me!! I tried again and made it-a little-higher. The third time I tried, I almost made it to the top. I had a tiny freak out moment when I realized that one of the rocks that I needed to place my foot on was missing..I sort of just stared at the wall for like 3 minutes. Then looked to my right, and there was a 5 year old scaling the wall like Spiderman..looked to my left, and there was an even younger boy doing the same thing. Yeah, I was on the kid's wall. So what, who cares! I made it (almost) to the top before I freaked out to come down. It was very hard. My arms were hurting so bad and were shaking because my upper body is so weak. My back and neck were even sore! We then went to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge, which was one of the worst experiences in my life. Rude people..bad food..just not a great experience.
On Monday night, my sister in law took me to see one of my favorite bands of all times, P.O.D. We found out about the show pretty last minute..and it was in Shreveport. So I managed to get off early and leave at about 3. We finally got there at about 7:30 after a few stops on the way (one may have been to a shoe store..because who wears sandals to a rock show where you might lose a toe or 7?? Crystal. That's who.) We went into the venue, which was a smoky bar/pool hall..and found the stage in the back. We were the only ones standing there. From this point on Crystal would not allow me to move because she just knew 500 people would run through the door at that very moment and push her out of her spot while I was in the bathroom or getting water. No one came. For like 20 more minutes. Then a very nice ginger boy came and stood by us..and I could tell what he was up to, but Crystal loves to find out people's life stories and fears and hopes and joys, so she had long conversations with him while I nodded my head and pretended to listen (the boy then told me I was beautiful and many other things throughout the whole show..wouldn't let his friend stand by my because I was "his friend", and then attempted to trade me P.O.D.'s set list for my phone #, after I clearly told him before the show that it was mines.)
So yeah..the only bad part about standing on the front row at a show is that you have to stand through all of the bands until the people you came to see come on. The first band included: A latino guitar playing screamer, a very skinny bassist that wore a batman shirt, batman beanie, and batman headphones, a chubby jersey wearing Fred Durst rapper, an Aaron Gillespie look-a-like on the drums, a mixed singer who had a baby voice (kind of like cocarosie but it was a male..), and a guy with a turntable...? I was so confused. It was bad. The second band had really dumb songs, but the singer had an amazing voice, and the guitar player was unreal..he was pretty gross, but he played the guitar with someone's cowboy boot..he was really really good.
I don't really know why I am making this story so long..but yeah..POD finally came out and Crystal and I were ready, both wearing our Whosoever T shirts..the singer pretty much immediately noticed and said "Nice shirts!" I probably almost died. It turns out that not many people knew every single song they sing..oh, but we do. It was so fun..The singer handed each of us the mic to sing parts of the songs..he gave us his water bottle after he had taken a sip..they pretty much paid attention to us the whole time and everyone was jealous and we liked that a lot. I also think that the keyboard player has amazing dreds and we thought he would get them stuck in the keys because he was so crazy. And I really would probably love to marry him. But ya know. They even sang both of our favorite songs.  After the show we stalked their bus, like usual, and waited for them to come out. They were super nice..they loved that we knew all of the songs and said they were watching us the whole time "rocking out" (I hate when people say that, but I made an exception this one time). We talked to everyone in the band and Sonny (the singer) asked to take a picture with us for his twitter (EEK!! It ended up on twitter and fb and IG EEEEk!!). We then squealed the whole way to the car and talked non stop for 4 hours while eating lots of junk food until we got home.
Again, I'm not sure why I made this post go on..I was actually going to write about something else..but I fear that I may have bored you all to death if you have even made it this far..so yeah.
Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with my friends from college, and Saturday I'm going to see The Great Gatsby (YAY!!) and going to another friend's house for my actual birthday. Then Sunday is Mother's Day and family bday dinner time. Excited for the weekend!

We're the blood of God's veins..

I have to say..Today I am feeling sooo much better than I was 2 days ago.
Yesterday I had a day off from work..I brought my puppy to the vet. Got all of her shots, wormed her (ew that always sounds so gross to me), got her teeth looked at and everything else you can think of. My vet said that she had a beautiful coat :) I then went to my Dr's appt..I was sent straight to X-ray. Then I waited for an eternity to see the Dr. He took one look and said, "Do you want me to remove that  ganglion cyst or just drain it today?" I told him that I couldn't take a month off of work to have it removed so we decided on draining the cyst. There is a really big chance that it will come back, but I'm praying it won't!! I told him what I did for a living and that I worked for Mike Morgan..he was like oohhhh well we can't have you out of work for very long then. He then pulled out his tape recorder to record my notes and he sounded like one of those auctioneers (is that what you call them??) It sounded like this: eeeehhhbleebleeblooblaahhMikeMorganbleeghourrthhoubleeganglioncystleftdorsumbleebloo etc..you get the point! I lol'ed. Couldn't help it. I tried to make a joke a few times and he sort of just looked at me..he drew a perfectly anatomical picture of all of the carpal bones in under 10 seconds and I was like wow that's a really good drawing! I was really impressed..but then he just stared at me. Because duuuuhh he probably draws it for every single patient he sees a day which is probably like 20+. ha! I wish I could upload the video of the cyst being removed (my sick co worker made me record it but I couldn't even watch the needles so I'm surprised it came out!) He basically just numbed my wrist (which was the super painful part) then drew the fluid out of the cyst with a bigger needle. Then he pressed on the cyst until it popped and moved the fluid around, wrapped me up, and sent me out the door! He prescribed me with no massaging until Monday. ha! So I ended up doing a lot of busy work at work today and working with people that needed one on one treatment with a therapist.
Wow, that seems like a really boring story. But really..I am so happy that my dogs are taken care of, that my wrist is taken care of..I got to go grocery shopping. I've learned over the past year to just be happy that I have what I have. I was seriously a shop-a-holic. Don't get me wrong, I still am at heart. But I think I was just going after so many material things because I was so unhappy and I could think about what I wanted to buy next instead of what was actually going on in my life. I really do love to shop, though! I think I am very materialistic..but lately I have been learning to not be so much. I think that's maybe part of why I'm going through this right now..
welllll I'm pretty sure the Ides of March blog challenge is over? But I'm kind of on a roll with blogging so I think I'll keep it up :)

Something takes a part of me..

(I really don't like Korn..but I've been reading Brian Welch's book and now this song stays in my head all of the time :''( I still remember the video on TRL and how mad I was that it made #1 all the time!!)

I think I must share something.
This past Sunday at church, most of the people there were each saying a little testimony..well not necessarily a testimony..but just something good that happened to them..something small (or something big) that was a reminder that God cares about the little things that we care and worry about. Well I was so scared that they would hand the mic to me and expect me to say something good that happened to me. Then think I was being silly or whatever when I would have to say that I had nothing. Over the past month, things have been..hard. I have been working non stop..my poor hands are killing me from massaging so much. In fact, I now have what I'm 99.9% sure is a ganglion cyst on my left hand. There really isn't like one specific cause for ganglion cysts, besides trauma, or repetitive use. At this point..well I can't not work. I have been more stressed out this year about money than I've ever been. I make really good money. More than most of my friends in the same field. I am just so horrible at budgeting! For the past month I have been scrounging up every penny (and maxing out credit cards :O !!) to live. To put gas in my car to go to work. I had a lot of bills pile up on me and I couldn't put them off any more. Also, I was trying to pay off my trip to Disney World, which don't get me wrong, I am super duper excited about..but I don't know if it was the best decision to make financially? At this point, I don't care..I need a vacation more than anyone knows and I'm gonna go even if I have to eat an apple for lunch. Back to my story..anyway, yesterday I was feeling really stressed out again because I have so many bills due, a Dr. appt tomorrow for my cyst (that I'm pretty sure I know exactly what the Dr will say/do, but it's better to be safe than sorry!), an appt for my puppy to finally get her shots that I've been putting off for far too long..I was in tears on my way home from work. I just didn't know how I would make it work.
 I checked the mail on my way in and noticed something that was to my (ex) husband from the same company that we had had our home mortgage with about 3 years ago..I opened it and it just so happened to be..a check! I couldn't believe it. We have been trying to settle with this company, tracking down phone calls, payments that we made through the company and they kept putting us off. Now, what they owe us, and what they actually payed us is really crazy. They owe us a whole lot more than the check was..but a letter that came with the check said that the company had settled and this was how much every person was going to get..honestly, I've been ready to move on from this situation since it happened. My ex kept saying he would get a lawyer and take them to court..but really..it was such a horrible time in both of our lives that I really just want to move on and forget that it ever happened. Anyway, my ex told me to just keep the check because he knew that I needed it. So there's my happy! I've so been needing something, anything good to happen. Sorry if I'm being a debbie downer..but seriously I've had a rough couple days/weeks/months/years, but who's counting?? Things are getting better..and I believe they will continue to get better.
The puppy even calmed down tonight and actually went and got in her kennel when she was ready to go to bed instead of jumping up and down like a psycho biting all of my flesh off. Say a little prayer for my ganglion cyst please! Maaaaaaybe It'll give me an excuse to let my hands rest at work. But I don't know how my patients will like that! They ask for me to give them a deep tissue massage every time they come in..sometimes they ask specifically for me. I'm not sayin I'm the best, shoot, I'm far from it. But I'm learning and gaining experience every day. I really do enjoy my job and what I do..I hope I can keep doing it for a long time.
I'm so excited to have a day off tomorrow that I might cry! It's midnight and I'm still up! I get to wake up early and clean my kitchen and fold clothes and run errands all day! Sounds pretty mundane..but it's just what I need..I love days like that.
night night.

Take control of the atmosphere...take me far away from here..

Today.
I didn't like today, much.
I have been working til 5 or later every single day of the week. My co workers either get a half day or the whole day off on Friday. Today was the only day I could have maybe tried to bypass some of the traffic to get home before 6:00. Well that didn't happen. Even though I did continuing education classes at work for almost 3 hours, when I could have been at home doing them, not sitting on my butt not working for 3 hours (but hey-I was getting paid to do it..so I guess I shant complain.) I'm just sooooo ready for a vacation. A getaway. A friend to move close to me..just ANYTHING. I need just something exciting to happen soon or I'll go crazy!
While I'm in the complaining mood..my dogs are driving me nuts today. I'm about to let them both just run wild in the woods and get their own water and their own food. Or, I am going to de claw both of them, and put muzzles on them. I promise I have scratches covering my arms and my legs. They don't mean to..For some reason Moo moo HAS to scratch with her razorblade claws (they only get worse when you clip them..) over and over and over, as if I haven't screamed enough the first 27 times she did it. And the puppy. won't. stop. biting. me. She is just playing..but I have tried so many different ways to get her to stop. And nothing. She's just a teething puppy and she has to chew on something. Like a Steve Madden platform heel that cost me a small fortune (I haven't worn them in 2 years..but still!). If she touches my furniture..I'm gonna get crazy on her!!
Okayyyy I really love my dogs. But ya know, one of those days.
Hope you guys had a better day than me!

I got one more silver dollar..

Wahhh more blogging days I missed. Guess I've been a little busy this weekend to blog.
Gotta give a Happy Birthday shout out to the moms..yesterday was her birthday! I think she had a good one..she spent the day doing what she loves to do..going to church, spending time with the fam, and working in the garden. Oh and eating blizzard cake :P which was sooo much better than Baskin Robbins ice cream cakes. js.
I don't have much else to blog about..I'm about to start a a new show! Don't know that I'll have much time..or be able to pay attention to an hour long show with the crazy puppy around..but I'm about to start Mad Men. It's been on my list for so long so I'm finally gonna watch it. The new season started last night and I recorded it so that I'll be ready when I get to it! Oh. I also finished reading The Giver. whomp whommmppp. I need to probably talk to someone else who has read it because..well idk. I felt like it kept leading up to something and then it just sort of fizzled out for me at the end. Maybe I'm crazy and maybe everyone else loves it. but watevs.
Goin watch Don Draper be awesome. Night night.

This life would kill me if I didn't have you..

I'm making oatmeal cookies! With many variations. Walnut. Chocolate chips and walnuts. Butterscotch chips and chocolate chips and walnuts. I've had 3 requests for these in the last week so I hope they come out good and everyone can freakin SHUTUP about me makin em!! geez.
And reading material for my home continuing education courses I have to take.
And spanking Chai every 5 minutes bc she's a bad*zz. She is. with 2 z's on the end for effect.
For some reason the Louisiana State Board of Physical Therapy Examiners decided that it wasn't enough for us to just do our 12 hours of continuing education in a year. We have to have 2 jurisprudence hours, 2 ethics hours, and I can't even remember how many regular hours in 2 years instead of 1 year. Big stupid frickin cluster is what it is. Thank God I work with a woman who stays on top of her stuff and tells me what to do, and when.
Oh! Da cookies is done!
Night y'alls.
Happy Hump Day.

Somewhere with you..

Oooohhh 2 days in a row.
But this one won't be long. I had a really busy day..went to work..came home for lunch to let the psycho out. Went back to work and got off at 5:20..went to Winn Dixie because I noticed at lunch that my refrigerator was BARE. All I had was a carton of eggs. Rushed home..changed clothes and let crazy aminals outside and fed them. Changed clothes whilst the animals/crazy psychos frolicked outside. Went to boot camp..came home and cooked a quiche (yay! It's been awhile..) and cleaned a little. So yeah I've been non stop all day and I can't believe I'm writing this.
But I finally paid my Disney trip off!!!!! I'm now broke and also have to save every last penny for spending $..but It's paid off and now I'm actually gonna go to there!!! I never thought I would be excited for Disney..it was never anything that I really HAD to go see..in fact, when we were (young) teenagers, my parent's gave my brothers and I the choice of going to Disneyworld, or going skiing in Colorado. It was no question! We went skiing. Guess theme parks never really were our thing. But I'm gonna go there and I'm gonna have fun.
Yah :D

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows..

I'm horrible at blogging!! I feel like I need to start each post like this because I always skip a day :-/
I was so tired yesterday and just never got around to it! After church and family all day (and then a wild puppy when I got home) I was only ready for B&B. Bath and bed!
I had the best weekend. I've been waiting for it for awhile now! My best friend in the whole universe and her husband and their puppy came over on Saturday (along with some other awesome family members!) to eat crawfish. We of course went on our crawfish tour. There were 7 of us + 2 little doggies on the golf cart aka party bus. We made it to the back where the ponds are and got a stupid flat tire. So we waited for my dad to come to the rescue and then we finished (half way..) our tour. I'm sure it gets old to some people..but this never gets old to me. It's so pretty back there. The water and the trees and the birds. Just so pretty. My friend Becca kept saying "Do you know what this is doing for my soul!?!" Such a Becca thing to say..but it's true. We then ate many pounds of crawfish and drank many strawberry beers and watched the doggies roll around in the one tiny mud puddle there was. I didn't want the day to end! I'm so glad that Becca moved closer..even though we still go too long without seeing each other..it doesn't even matter. Just knowing that she's a car ride away makes it so much better. Easter was also really great. I guess I take it for granted how close my family is..how close we live to each other, and how close we are as a family. I am very thankful for them!
I also thought about writing an Easter post..especially after watching The Bible last night on the History channel. Imean..it's a little cheesy..and I do think it's funny that they cast most of the characters according to which region they were in..but Jesus looked just like Jesus. A white man! I guess that doesn't matter so much. I just think it's funny..but overall it was good. There was a commercial on during the show that said something like "Have you been enjoying the Bible series? Well did you know you can read the bible every day on your iphone if you get this app?" And they showed all of these business type people like getting into cabs and at work reading the bible on their phones. I just thought it was kind of funny. I never made it to my Easter post..I feel like I don't have the adequate words to describe what Jesus and his blood mean to me..I've made so many mistakes in my life..some that are completely horrible and disgusting and that I can't believe that I did. But because of Jesus' blood..I can (and was!) forgiven, and can spend eternity in Heaven with Him. And all of the people I love.
I almost forgot to write about this, but I know that a few people will enjoy it. Ya see, if ya work in New Roads, and most people know your family, they are gonna ask you a billion questions. Like "Ohh, do you live in that trailer in Oscar where Charlie and his wife used to live??" Yes, everyone knows this. It's sort of comforting, but also scary at the same time. I like that everyone knows me and my family..well I have this one patient. He's from Chicago..He and his wife have been to therapy before, and they just love me. And I think they're crazy. And hilarious. They live less than a mile away from me, and me being the dumbo that I am, I told them where I live (what's wrong with me!???)  (I'm trying to get less personal with patients that creep me out..). (Another funny thing, is that they add the phrase "and that" to the end of every sentence: "OOh I went to the winn dixie and that, and I got some milk and that.." Make sure you read it in a Chicago accent so you'll understand..). Okay, enough parentheses. So today I got home from work and when I was walking in the door, this truck was passing by and they layed on the horn (95% of the people that pass by my house do this..not sure if it's for me or Charlie ha!)..I walked in and got the puppy to bring her outside and looked up and of course the truck is barreling down my driveway with my crazy patient hanging out the window and busting out laughing because he's obsessed with dogs. He leaped out of his truck, along with his son, and ran and picked her up and took 567 pictures with his phone and played with her until finally his son said "Come on dude, we got to get to Port Allen and that". I was so creeped out that they were in my yard and also embarrassed because I'm sure every person that passed by saw what was happening and by now there's a rumor about me going around in New Roads. Thank god the man's son was with him because I might have called my dad to come over if it was just him..
Sooo yeah. That happened. And now I'm about to go for a run!
Hopefully this really long post made up for yesterday and that! Serious and a funny story all in one.

I'm here to remind you..

I've really fallen behind on my blogging. Sarry! I've been having some really late nights and forgetting! So sue me!
I don't really have anything interesting to say..I'm really excited about today and tomorrow. I've been cravinggg and salivatingggg thinking about crawfish for like the past month now..And I can't wait to see the bff and her hubs! And everyone else who is coming! Yay Louisiana.
I'm also excited about Easter tomorrow..to see the fam and eat some good food (and obviously to celebrate the true meaning of Easter! Can't begin to describe what it means to me..). And get away from my terror of a puppy for a little while!! I love her so much, but dealing with a baby lab by yourself is seriously a full time job. It's like having a human baby. Especially since I have to worry about my other dog attacking her. They start out playing and wrestling and then all of a sudden Chai will start screaming and running to me. It happens like 5 times a day..but I don't think she really gets hurt..what a baby! Moo moo wants to send her off to Abudabi. Then she could have me all to herself and stare at me all night and dream about me and lick me. She's the biggest weirdo I've ever met!
The Breakup is on TV right now..I just have it on in the background. It's kind of hard for me to watch actually..but ya know, it's pretty accurate. The wife expecting everything from the husband, and not appreciating what he does do. The husband acting laissez faire (I love using that phrase aha!) and immature. It's really painful to watch. And it's so funny how good Vince Vaughn is at playing that jackass character..I kind of want to punch him.
Is this post random enough? Good.

Trailer for rent..

Ha jk! I just had the Pistol Annie's song in my head. And I live in a trailer. But it ain't fo rent because I'm rentin it suckaz!
Tonight while I was trying to relax after my crazy race that I'm still sore from, and from sprinting and running tonight (we felt like maybe it would help with the soreness?? Even my elbow ditches were sore..) I was taking a nice hot bath. Then. A tiny little black terror lunged through the air. I saw it in slow motion. And she landed in the tub! My pup is OBSESSED with water. She wants to drink all of it and swim in all of it and get it all of it ALL THE TIME. I'm gonna get her a kiddie pool this weekend I think. Maybe the weather will be nicer and she can jump in and out of it 503 times and then drink all of the water in it and bite it and chew it to pieces. Then I'll buy her another one next weekend.

4 more days.
til I eat allllllla da crawfishes.

We will never walk alone..

I waited too late to blog and now I'm tiiiiiiiireduh. I've been adding that "uh" to everything lately and I need to stop. Today, I was thinking of so many things that I have in my life to be thankful for. I always take so many things for granted. I am so thankful that I grew up in the country. I am so thankful that I grew up being able to go to Grand Isle and really believe that that was the best place on earth. And get to fish and all of that fun stuff. I am so thankful that we own a pier on False River that we got to have fun birthday parties at when we were little. I'm so thankful that my dad is a crawfish farmer and that we get to eat it whenever we want (most years!). I am so thankful that we had a big ole tree in the backyard that my brothers and their friends and I built a tree house in and played for hours in. I am so thankful for such a huge family. Some people don't have a close knit family and I just don't know what I would do without mine..I'm so thankful for my doggies! The list could go on and on. I am always thinking about stuff like this because I'm on the road for long periods of time a lot. And I'm pretty sentimental and nostalgic like that. Right now I'm thankful for my nice cozy bed that I'm about to be dreaming in..
nighty night peeps.

Louisiana Saturday Night..

Forgot to blog yesterday..whoops!
Guess I should blog about foam fest..here we go! I so was not expecting it to be the way it was..hope you're ready! We started in a foam pit..ran for maybe a quarter of the mile to the first ditch..okay. Imagine going to Tunica Hills after a freakin monsoon hit. Ya know, that clay mud? Okay, imagine 3 miles of it. We made it through the first ditch okay. Then there was another foam pit..then 3 rivers that we had to cross. The water pretty much came up to our chests and it was FREEZING and full of cypress knees. There were 5 in our group and I think 2 wiped out here! Followed by at least another half mile of mud. That goes up to your knees. There were shoes stuck in it from the people in front of us. We make it through and there'+ another river..this time, there are these huge floating tires..so we have to crawl over them to get to the other side..except they are huge. About halfway through, I fell through the middle of one to find that the water was so deep that I couldn't touch the bottom. By this point I had hardly any energy left to jump up and make it to the tire..so I pretty much just went under water and swam to the other side..the whole time I was thinking we had to be at least half of the way through. We crossed the river and found out we were only at the 1 mile mark! We ran through a ton more ditches and mud..sometimes the ditches were so steep that we had to crawl up and we all pretty much kept sliding to the bottom. I was wearing pants but I swear mud was EVERYWHERE! We get to the top and there is this huge net that we have to climb and cross over..I don't particularly like heights, but somehow I climbed up and over..it was so scary. Ran through more mud..then got to some walls we had to climb over which wasn't so bad..made it over to find another river we had to swim through..followed by ANOTHER river where we had to run over these pads that were on top of the water. I don't know how I made it over. I think I was sprinting to get to the other side. Finally we were at mile 2. Next were more realllllly high walls we had to climb over..I somehow made it to the top (so many people had gone over it that it was slick with mud, great.) So I couldn't figure out how the heck I was going to get to the ground..only 2 of us out of our group went over..I put my legs over and pretty much just fell to the ground ha! Got stuck in more mud (you get the picture..) Ran through a few more foam pits and somehow made it to the end in about 2 hours. I swear I don't know how I ever had enough energy to do any of this. At the end there was a huge slide we had to climb up and then slide down into more foam..imagine the slide at Blue Bayou..I think it was the edge or something? Well, this was higher. And I was airborne for half of the way down! I can't believe that I made it through this race..it was probably one of the hardest (physical) things I've ever done. I can't wait to see all of the embarrassing pictures..there were photographers along the way taking pictures of us and we had people with us taking pics too..they're gonna be great! ha.
By now I'm sure you've stopped reading..I can't believe I remembered the whole thing! We went home and showered and then had the biggest margaritas possible at Las Palmas and now I'm so exhausted, Idk if I'll make it off the couch to the bed! Fun Saturday night.
Hope you guys had a good weekend!!

Let this place erupt with grace..

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
I think my bible app gets me. The verse of the day is always exactly what I need to read..Maybe not always what I WANT to read..but what I need. I think I do worry too much about things..but I can't deny that I do tell God everything that I want or need. Also, recently when I start to get really really depressed about my life and where it's going..I have had to make a conscious effort to thank Him for what I DO have in my life instead of dwelling on what I don't have. It can be so easy to get stuck in that rut for me. I always do it to myself. I choose the most depressing song and listen to it until I cry..It's almost therapeutic for me..in a bad way..It's like I like being depressed and sad..I don't get myself sometimes. But I've always done this. Sometimes I have to ban bands like Death Cab For Cutie from my iPod because I WILL find that one song and listen to it over and over until I cry myself home in the car.
I think sometimes I read bible verses like this and just keep reading and don't really think about them. Because I usually think that I'm a good person..I don't have these sorts of problems..not that you can't be a good person and have problems..but ya know..sometimes when I look deeper into the scriptures, and deeper into my own heart and soul, I see scary and ugly things that I didn't see before because I didn't WANT to see them before..Overall, I feel like I believe that I have experienced God's peace, or that I pray about everything and don't worry..but pretty much when I look deeper into myself, I see a person who does constantly worry about things..big things and little dumb things. I say that I trust that God will give me what I need..but why do I keep trying to make things happen in reality? I've always struggled with giving up control of my life. Part of it is pride. Part of it is that I have a hard time trusting God..I want things to happen NOW and how I want them to happen. I did that for my whole life..and look how everything turned out. Now I'm not saying that I think I deserve everything that has happened in my life..but most of the things..well they were my doing. So I'm just gonna sit here. And wait. (For a country boy to drive up on a tractor to my door. And he has tattoos. And maybe he likes country music, but also UnderOath and Thrice. Is that so hard to ask for!?) Okay, just kidding about the part in parentheses. But really.

I'm just a j-j-j-j-junkie for ya love..

Ummm. I wish I could stop listening to JT. But it ain't happenin. And if you ain't listenin. You don't even KNOW!
Also, my dog moo moo keeps tapping me on the arm to tell me a story and I keep ignoring her..I'm not joking..I need to video her sometimes. She just keeps tapping me and staring at me. She also just reached her paw out and touched the caps lock button soooo it must be a great story. But I just don't have all night to hear about it! Geez! I feel kind of bad for her..she did get a lot of attention when it was just me and her..then this little puppy came along who adores her and follows her and tries to ride on her back and all she wants is for me to listen to her dumb stories. What would I do without these furballs. So far, Chai can sit. And that's just about it. She wants to learn to shake so bad but she's just too hyper. Maybe tomorrow.

Work has been kind of stressful lately..We are starting to get super busy (which is a REALLY good thing!) But it just takes it out of me. A lot of people think I am lonely living by myself buuuut pretty much I talk to people all day long..I listen to people's problems (they always feel the need to tell me EVERYTHING) and talk with them about all kinds of things..by the time I get home I'm ready to NOT talk and just chill out. Which is why I like having my puppies because I can just tell them pointless things, but they hang on every word like it's the best story they've ever heard.

I sort of feel like I say the same things over and over..I'm thinking maybe I/we should have some topics for this blogging challenge? (or does that defeat the purpose of the challenge?) Either way, I'll try to give myself a topic some days so I don't ramble..I'm really good at that. So I'll stop now before I ramble on and on :)
night night bloggy.

On that blue ocean floor..

I was thiiiiisclose to forgetting to blog today. oops!
I don't have much on my mind tonight..just trying to wind down and go to sleep..
I wish I had more fun and adventurous things to talk about and that I do buttt I pretty much don't. Hey, I got the new Justin Timberlake album today..that should count for something, right!? And I went to my aerobics class tonight..we did circuits which are always fun. At least we get a full body workout when we do those..as opposed to doing JUST legs the whole time and not be able to walk/squat/run/stand for 3-4 days after. But my nemesis will always be the push up. How I loathe push ups. I would rather do annny other thing than that. And now this is getting entirely too boring..
I'm pretty excited for this weekend..I am participating in a 5k called Foam Fest on Saturday. We have to run a little bit, then basically go through an obstacle course..including a huge slide where you slide into a pool of foam..this isn't something that I would particularly want to do..I like the serious races where I can just focus and run and be competitive with myself (I am starting to realize more and more how competitive I am..I mean I always knew I was, but I am just noticing it more lately). But my friend that I run with, Angelle, is obsessed with doing every 5k that she hears about. And I'm her running buddy so I get to do them too!
I have been getting out of winter mode lately..and thinking lots and lots about Grand Isle! Ladies, if any of you are up for a wknd trip, puleaaaase let me know bc I'm ready already! My puppy is obsessed with water and realllly wants to go too. It usually takes me awhile to get out of winter mode because I really love winter clothes..tights and boots..I just like cozy clothes the best. But there's something about crawfish and St. Patrick's day and Easter coming..I'm just ready for the summer! I'm really not sure what this year will bring me..but I'm ready for whatever. I'm ready for some vacations and some fun. I'm ready to go to Grand Isle every weekend so you better get ready people to come with meeee. Or I find youuuu.
I'm a creep.
I'm sorry..

Night night.

Runnin up a mountain chains tied to my feet..

Do you ever feel this way? Like you're running up a mountain with chains tied to your feet? I definitely can say that I've felt this way for about a year now. And just when you think you have enough momentum, and that you can make it, you remember how heavy the chains are and you slow down. My life has been filled with so many ups and downs..Every day brings a new feeling..Every day I feel different. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But it goes on..it doesn't stop..it won't stop. Just because I feel a certain way..life doesn't stop. Sometimes I want to just hit a pause button. My life was so boring and so un-challenging (is that even a word??) for so long. 27 years to be exact. And in one year I have gone through so much..I really learned who I am..I actually can say that I am a Christian..that I have a relationship with Jesus..before last year I was a 'christian'..but sometimes it takes going through a life changing experience to really learn and know who Jesus is. He knows I'm full of crap. He knows that I'll never be perfect-or even close to it. But he doesn't care. I wish more people understood this..thanks to POD for those deep thoughts today.. (one of my favorite songs by them..)

Ummm that was a little deep and I don't want to like get all deep all the time..soooo.
Today, I went to Starbucks, and the girl at the window gave me my iced hazelnut macchiato (try it!) and then she was like "Hey, do you want a venti caramel macchiato?" I'm never one to turn down a huge free delicious caffeinated beverage..so I took it. So I drank 2 cups of coffee this morning..my macchiato..and a third of the other gigantic one..sooo I sort of have the jitters now. I tried to run it off earlier tonight, but I'm still goin. Good thing I have 2 psycho animals that beg me to entertain them at all hours of the day (that I'm here at least..).

I don't know that I have much else to say. I started reading 2 books today.. Looking For Alaska by John Green..and Of Mice and Men. I thought it was weird that I haven't read Of Mice and Men so I figured I better get on that since it's a tiny book and I'll most likely finish it tomorrow. It's been awhile since I've read a book just for fun and I really enjoy it.. I think I'm going to read The Fault in Our Stars next..It's been on my reading list for quite a while and I noticed today that it was on the 'popular teen books that will most likely be turned into a crappy movie soon' table. I was like omgggg all of these kids are reading it and I haven't yet..I'm getting so old! jk.

Hey all you Ides of March bloggers..are y'all reading any good books right now??

k
that's all
goodnight

Cuz every girl is crazy bout a sharp dressed man..

I so forgot to blog yesterday!! I meant to last night, and I really just forgot.
I hope that someone reading this has watched Duck Dynasty at least once. It's so crazy. Gotta love those country boys. I love that they make duck calls..most of my memories as a child involve my dad (and brothers..) in the kitchen practicing or just playing around on all of his duck calls. I love that. I am always so happy and thankful that I grew up in the country..there really is nothing like it. It took me a long time to appreciate it but I really do. I actually went duck hunting (does laying on the bank of the crawfish pond in extremely cold and rainy weather count??) for the first time ever this past winter..I was never allowed to go hunting with the boys growing up..and when I was old enough to, I guess I just didn't want to. Although, I did trick my younger brother into taking me along a few times to get in the deer stand. I think we just liked it so much because it felt like a tree house. But I really liked going hunting with the men (and Steph!!) this year. Even though I was frozen and soaked to the bone, there's just something about being outside and being quiet and listening and watching and appreciating. (And then watching a duck fall to his death :'''( ) I don't really understand how some people can't enjoy and appreciate things like that. (not the dead duck. just the experience) I understand that everyone is different and finds peace in different ways. But that was one of the most peaceful places in my life..

So I'm being way too weird and sentimental right now..but I don't have much else on my mind right now.
Annnnndddddd I'm excited for new JT this week!! I have been waiting for a new album to come out..ANY new album..just something new!! And I can't waaaaiiitttt and it better be gooooddddd.

Annnnddd I'm going to Disneyworld for the first time ever innnn 62 dayssss!!!!!!! Don't know what I'm gonna do. I'll prob act like Sue and freak out and jump out of a window. I'M SO FRICKIN EXCITED.

Goodnight folks.

Here we go again..

It's here! Blogging time! Every day! I hope I can remember to do it every day..
I'm sure I have lots to say. Since my last blog was about my dearly departed Vega, I guess this one should be all about my new baby lab. It's helping me a lot to have a new tiny thing to take care of. It also helps that I have another dog to keep her entertained most of the time. Because she has wayyyy too much energy. And way too many tiny sharp teeth that want to bite everything in site. I swear I'm covered in doggie bites. Gotta love a puppy. I also have so many songs that I sing to her. Her favorite is obviously Justin Timberlake. I sing suit and chai to her at least 37,987 times per day. I also like to do those cheers from SNL that Will Ferrel and Cheri Oteri used to do and I make up new words every single time..If you don't understand then I feel sorry for you. Because dogs are people too. Here's some pictures of Chai bear butt tea latte puppy baby Loup.
Just kidding! For some reason my computer won't let me upload any more photos to icloud because it says I have too many :-( Once I figure it out, I'll post some! If any of you people out there in apple land know what to do about this please fill me in..
Excited to read everyone's blogs every day!

She had a big ole butt, oh yeah.

I suppose that I should dedicate a blog to my precious..Vega. Of course, it'll be hard to beat Steph's..she's good at blogging. Howeverrrr since the only people that read my blog are pretty much my family and maybe a few close friends..you all know about my lovely Valentines Day. I feel like all of my recent holidays have just been horrible. Not completely horrible..I did spend Christmas with my family..but it just wasn't the way that I wanted things to be. Anyhow, that's another story. Back to VDay. And Vega. The prettiest princess that you ever did see. I feel the urge for a photo montage to go along with my ode sooo try not to cry too much. Ha! (I feel like I can make some little jokes about it now..well, because that's pretty much what I do in horrible situations, because what else can you do? I like to make jokes about things that aren't funny..and also when I'm feeling pretty awkward. So sue

me!)

 

This little precious has been with me for almost 4 years. Before I got married. I trained her and took care of her..after I got married, she was there. It's not a secret that my marriage has been pretty bad from the start..but she was there. Nights where I couldn't go to sleep because I would have nightmares the moment I closed my eyes, nights where I cried my eyes out, nights where I fell asleep alone in a house that I was scared to live in..well..she was there. (Jesus was with me too..but ya knowww what I mean, geez!) She has pretty much been the one constant thing in my life..(besides my family) 

She followed me everywhere I went..to the bathroom..to the kitchen..ev.vry.where. Anytime I'd go to another room..I had this habit of always putting my right arm down and trailing my fingers along her fur beside me when I would walk around the house. She was my right hand lab. I find myself still doing this, but she's not there. There are times where I still feel like I'm in denial that she's gone..If I would have just looked for her for 5 more minutes. Just 5 minutes! (gotta stop saying that..) But overall, I'm doing okay. She was such a crutch for me..Gotta learn to let go of some things that I have no control over. 

I'm hoping to get a new puppy soon..but Vega will always be in my heart..I won't ever forget the horrible times in my life (they are making me who I am supposed to be..right??) when she was there. I'll never forget you, Vega! You had the best velveteen ears and the best soft spot right above your ear. You were the best sunggler of all times. You had the coolest name of all the pets I know. Here are more really cute and sad pictures for you to look at:

(an otter)

(a mother)

(a nervous bunny)

(a sister..very sorry that her brother Molly couldn't be in the picture..)

(a birthday cake)

(a sweetheart)

(a bed/pillow hoarder)

(a bff)

(a party animal)

(a vampire)

(a comedian)

Come on guys..the pictures could go on forever..

(in time out)

(even a cheesehead..)

(more mothering)

(one of the last pictures I took of her, sleeping on her favorite chair :)

Goodbye, Vega! See ya again someday. Fat bottomed girls make the rockin world go round. 

Nothing changes on New Year's Day..

Obviously I only named this entry that ^ because it's lyrics in a U2 song. Obviously.
Because I think that 2013 is going to be one of the most uncomfortable/best/scariest years of my life.
I am so happy that 2012 is over. Good riddance 2012. You were the worst year of my life. 2013 is going to bring so many changes in my life..from my job, to where I'm going to live, to my marriage. Every single thing is changing. 2012 knew that I absolutely HATE change and it let me stay where I was at. 2013 doesn't care what I want, it's throwing everything that was comfortable out of the window. I haven't updated in awhile, and I'm gonna try to do better this year I swear! At least 1-2 posts per month..I'll try my best! Maybe if my fellow bloggers want to do another 30 day blogging challenge it would force me to update more often! hinthint. Goodbye for now!